Why do drive through ATM machines have braille?


If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...
Does that mean that one enjoys it?




There are three religious truths:
Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the Leader of the Christian Faith.

Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters




If people from Poland are called Poles:

then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?




Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?





If a pig loses its voice,

is it disgruntled?





Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?





*Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist,

but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?






Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?





If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,

then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?






If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge,

would they call it Fed UP?




Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?






What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?






I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks,

so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?






Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? (GREAT IDEA)





If it's true that we are here to help others,

then what exactly are the others here for?






*Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?





*If a cow snorted when it laughed would milk come out of her nose?




Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?



As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice that when you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'THEIRS'?